Elizabeth Holmes is a human Fyre Festival.

The title to this article is really all that needs to be said here—but dangit I’m a real slut for new EHolmes gossip content.

I mean, say what you will about Elizabeth Holmes, but my god is she an amazing pioneer in the field of gender equality for massive corporate con-jobs. 

Also to add: who knows what his orientation is, but I am a queer woman who has had more than a few straight-presenting men confide in me about their secret queer goings-on.

“Is there any chance these 2 aren’t fucking?”

I’ve owned a Siberian for 12 years and let me tell you....NOTHING prepares you for the maintenance and attention they require. Took me forever to outdoor train him, and the hair sheds off in HUGE amounts. Amazing dogs tho, and one of the most intelligent out there. Here he is!

Check out the wikipedia for the Happy Hippie Foundation. She’s raised a lot of money and distributed a lot of aid to LGBTQ youth. She can be pretty insufferable in how she talks about things and still do a lot of good. Also:

This is just a new-agey way of saying “I’m not like other girls... I actually just get along better with guys.”

Um, I think it’s amazing that Miley Cyrus is able to look past Liam Hemsworth’s conventional ugliness and fall in love with his beautiful soul. On a spiritual, post-gender level.

Miley is a shameless, utterly feckless, contemptible person. I haven’t forgotten her blaxploitation period, after which she denounced hip-hop as being “suck my dick” ad infinitum despite cavorting around with blowup dicks onstage of her own accord.

People. Persons. Maybe a smart dog. 

It must just kill these people that Michelle is more popular than anyone in the Trump administration. Who could have foreseen this? I don’t know.

I somehow mis-read SOTU as STFU.

I didn’t hold a party when I became invisible to men, but I should have.

Old news.  Pantera swore by Pedialyte and if it was good enough for them it’s great for us mere mortals. 

Right? Giving the Queen shit for seeming old and out of touch at this point is so...yawn. Let us not also forget this is the same feisty 92-year old who committed legendary acts of shade against Drumpf with the clever use of BROOCHES. Show some damn respect.

Until someone calls them out for not being journalistic. Then they’re “bloggers”or some shit.

This is like the basic difference between republicans and democrats. Republicans believe you should have to earn basic care by being a deserving person, while democrats feel like there are just basic things we are all deserving off by virtue of being human.

Stars: they’re just like us!

I’m taking this as confirmation that every time Ariana goes through a breakup, her normal routine is to Netflix binge, hard.