About 10 years ago (when smoking in bars was still a thing) I was being aggressively hit on by some dude at a bar in front of his friends, then he asked me for a cigarette. I leaned back in my barstool, reached into my purse for a cigarette, lit it, blew smoke in his face without breaking eye contact while his friends…

I was with some friends in a bar and this douche started hitting on my friend and being a real dick about it. She was trying to be polite about it, but I didn’t feel any such obligation. So I whispered something in her ear about him and she laughed. He saw it and replied, “If you’re mad that I’m talking to your friend…

My sister might kill me for this, and it’s not a burn, but it’s such a great one-liner and you guys are the perfect audience and I HAVE TO SHARE.

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Fairly recently me, my siblings and my parents were sitting around and in a sign of how we can now all talk like adults we were sort of telling “The most fucked up I’ve ever been” stories and my sister, who had a bit of a wild adolescence, tells a pretty horrific story. My mother, who was the least enthusiastic about…

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

That Rihanna burn just changed my life.

My then-roommate and I were at a bar and a guy came up to her and said in the most cheesy, oily voice you can imagine, “Hey, just to save some time: how would you like your eggs in the morning?”

Ooh, this one will be fun! The first story coming to my mind is one I have told on here before, but I’m sure it will be new to most of you:

Yeah, because people who want to see Paul Blart are going to read these reviews and be like, whaaaaaa? Not as good as the book?

Morality would be giving KIDS the best chance to stay happy and healthy.

I was late for French (2nd year college so everything was in French all the time), and said, upon entering class, "Pardonnez-moi! Beaucoup de traffique." Everyone nodded except the professor who laughed, and we all looked at her, frowning. She said, "En Francaise, 'traffique' est... drugs."

Real conversation from about 4 years ago, between me and my husband who was supposed to have quit smoking:

Wow. Wow.

Firstly, teaching little girls that their face shape is wrong for certain hairstyles unless it's oval is totally fucked up. Secondly, teaching anyone that their face shape is wrong for certain hairstyles unless it's oval is completely fucked up. I am so sick of advice on how to wear clothes, hairstyles, or jewelry to…

Meanwhile KH has a new show on primetime. Stop.

Hollywood's punishment of Mo'Nique's "attitude" problems is emblematic of the way Black and brown women and girls are punished for non-conformity to standards for white femininity (complacent, quiet, obedient, eager to please) throughout all our systems, beginning with school discipline. It is a punishment, y'all, and…

Tom Hanks started on a sitcom then moved over to movies. He starred in Bosom Buddies.

I have a theory about people who become wildly successful/famous on the level that Steve has achieved: their relationship with their past, pre-fame and success, is an either or proposition. Either they embrace it. Or they shed it like a snake sheds its skin, leaving it in the middle of the road, to dry up and blow…

My job did this a few years ago. It's a federal government office. On the menu was "chitterlings and maw" and something called "Hopping John." Yes, this was all planned by non-Blacks.