The power to give your foes a really astonishingly itchy sphincter. Let’s see Batman keep his cool with that goin’ on in the Bat-shorts.

The ability to make terrible, ugly art and still get paid by a major comics publisher for it.

“But I don’t WANT to cure cancer. I WANT to turn people into dinosaurs.”

In the Wild Cards books (which I wholeheartedly recommend) the Wild Card virus killed most people it touched but in some it gave powers.

Changing the colours of things just by touching them. My friends tell me it’s lame, but think about the possibilities! Changing the colour of your clothes, of your house, of random cars in the street!

Worked for Jim Carey.

Since someone took Doug Ramsey and Matter-Eater Lad.

Canned tamalies aren’t that bad.

Now THIS is bad. They actually have to put “Food Product” on it so you know you’re supposed to eat it:

Not as bad as refrigerated food does...

Expiration dates?

Because, in the current political climate, you aren’t a threat to the species as a whole. Sure, some rogue group could blow up a city or two, but unless there’s a new cold war, the threat of world-wide nuclear holocaust is pretty much gone. I’m far more worried with what some motivated, intelligent, but hapless…

The obvious answer is “From Christians”

Who would you pray to about pigs? Simple answer:

As an atheist, there is absolutely nothing I can say about this that won’t draw ire from some quarter. So—

Wow, this is just unbelievably terrible on so many levels. I get the snark and the trolling, I just wish you realized this is exactly what it’s like when Christian bloggers issue snappy take downs of evolutionary biology or subjects they know nothing about except what they hear in their opinion echo-chamber.