President Obama looks sexy af post-vacay and I aint even shy about it, lol.

But she wasn’t playing around? I didn’t get the sense she was intending to do anything with that sad sack and that she just thought he was a sad sack.

Someone hates fun.

I can’t wait, even if it is only 20 minutes! I love every shameless moment of this movie (except the woman played by Laura Linney; that whole self-sacrifice thing was ridiculous! She couldn’t not go see her brother for one night? She couldn’t have finished before she went, at least? I mean he was on top of her when…

Ugh... I hate being that drunk. I stay sick all the next day (the evil triumvirate: shit & puke & headache) Last time was 2 years ago at an amazing rum bar where we ordered not one but TWO flaming bowl drinks (Scorpion and Volcano) after I already had my 3 drink limit. Holy shit what was I thinking?

As the mother of a toddler I can confirm, there is only one thing worse than being tipsy and responsible for a small child - being hung over and responsible for a small child. I’m serious. It’s hell.

Calling him a loser makes you sound like a loser. Really mean-spirited and ugly.

I’m just gonna say it: I like Coldplay. I think Chris Martin seems like a really nice, sweet, nerdy guy AND I think he’s cute. I think themed parties are fun no matter how old you are. That’s it.

My favorite Kate McKinnon bit from last night:

TBH, I hate gmail. I hate the ads, I hate the interface. I have a hotmail account that’s now Office, and it’s so much nicer. I don’t care what people say about the hotmail part.

My cousin (she’s 36) still uses AOL (just the email, not the Internet service). I want to introduce her to Gmail, but I’m sure she has no interest in it.

And not just stepmom, stepmom to 6 kids your ex had with the woman he dumped you for a decade earlier? No fucking way, even if you are kind of okay with kids.

I’m sure she’s just stringing him along to rub it in Angelina’s greasy, sallow face. That’s what I did with my ex: prove you’re the one they prefer at their core. And then leave both of them miserable.

“It’s just the way that it goes sometimes, and it’s sad.”

Nooooooo. Jen. Seriously. You are better than this. This motherfucker cheated on you and blew up your life. There were teams! I remember! It was all fucked up!

What makes this even better is that Karen Pence inadvertently joined in.

She’s so obviously playing the “oh teehee I’m the only woman in a room full of men. I’m so adorable! I can play these dudes.” thing. No honey. They think you’re a child, and you’re confirming it to them.

She did not remove her shoes. You can see the stiletto heel denting the back cushion in the first photo.

What a trashy bitch. Show some respect. You’re in the oval office, you’re wearing a dress, people are visiting.