I’m not really into the bouquet toss thing, but at my best friend’s wedding, she really liked her bouquet and didn’t want to throw it, but she also didn’t want to disappoint the guests expecting it. I was her maid of honor. I told her, “I will get that bouquet back for you” and I damn well did. I was not to be…

The whole time I was watching this I kept getting chills thinking wow he really is making history here and probably changing a lot of hearts and minds for the better. Bruce is one amazing person.

125 hours... Most full-time employees hit that in 3 weeks, Lindsay, and you can’t do that in 3 years. Grow up.

Do the damn hours? Actually I’d prefer if she does the damn time. It’s pretty disgusting that a celebrity can get away with blatantly flouting the law for years when a normal person would be under the jail by now. There are people doing 10-12 years for marijuana possession right now. Fuck Lindsay Lohan.

I GOT YOU (this is very bad photoshop)

Princess Monistat of Monaco

Christ on a bike, Lohan, just do the community service. I’ve never heard of someone working so hard to avoid doing work. She worked harder to get around it than if she’d just actually done the damn hours.

Oh man, it’s so annoying when people say horrible things and then try to weasel their way out of them with, “I’m just telling you all the FACTS, you can decide whether or not they’re important.” Just say what you mean, Chuck. Which, in this case, would be, “My parents never gave me enough attention as a kid.”

Wait, she thought by more American you’d be willing to work for free? Has she met us?

where is she

Maybe he can pull a Tyler Perry and play all the Kardashians? I would watch the shit out of that movie!

Yet the old German guy who sat next to me and who was drunk in an hour and kept ordering (and getting) whiskeys for the next 7 hours the flight lasted (SEVEN HOURS FROM HELL) - who tried to grab me, and the flight attendant, who puked over my shoes — he was never removed, kept getting his booze, and even when I…

It is amazing how poorly people treat people with disabilities. I used to work full time with adults with developmental disabilities, then a retail job for a while. If someone was difficult to communicate with, my coworkers would just ignore them. I got stuck in the back of a plane on a trans continental flight next…

About ten years ago or so, I saw an episode of Chefography on Food Network about Sandra Lee. Sister had an INTENSE, terrible childhood. She lived in poverty and was responsible from a young age for the care of her little sibs. That was, evidently, the provenance of her “semi-homemade” ouvre, trying to find new ways to…

My friend likes to tell a story of ordering pizza delivery. He fell asleep while waiting, and was awakened by a loud knock on his door. Getting up slightly dazed from his nap, he asked who it was, only to hear the guy outside shout “DOWN WITH PEOPLE!” He could only ask, “wha...?” and the guy repeated “DOWN WITH…

*tears of mirth!*

Oh my goodness, this cracked me up. “Why do we eat bread?” really IS a tough philosophical question to answer out of nowhere.

I could probably submit one of these about myself. Many years ago when Subway sandwich shops were rocketing to the top of the national consciousness with the “Subway diet” I stopped in one day to eat with my family. I was a teenager and was waiting behind my family not really paying attention until I got up to the…

The Tito’s/Tanqueray thing reminds me of this time back in my mid-20s when I went to this party my then-roommate’s friends were throwing. I didn’t really know the people at this party, but there was free booze, so whatever. I’m making random small talk with this dude who, it became quickly apparent, was a total…

Ring around the Pokey