Unless you're a puppeteer, that's kind of a strange first thought. And if by "would have blown everyone away" you mean "would have creeped everyone out", then yes; you're correct.

Really? That was your first thought?

That's the nice thing about the Internet: no matter what someone does, someone out there can do it better.

The bride seems pretty happy with just being able to hold him and sway. Nothing wrong with not actually moving across the dance floor.

One would think that a 2-year-old with an STD would be a slam-dunk of a conviction...

Right? So in all those cases where police and other legal officials and talking heads say there was insufficient evidence to prosecute, let's all consider what that means.

Jesus. There aren't enough tables in the world to flip after reading this. I don't have the words to express my level of disgust. Bravo to Maria Treme for coming forward to call attention to this.

the toddler "did not disclose any information that would warrant a criminal investigation."

Ever hear someone say to order a pizza and call the cops and see who gets there first? I accidentally did that when I found a crackhead in my neighbors backyard in New Orleans smoking crack. I had just ordered the pizza and heard yelling then went outside to look. I think it took the cops 45 minutes to show up but by…

years ago while on vacation to SoCal to go to orientation for college, my friend and I were at Santa Monica pier , when we saw a homeless lady at the dock standing but naked with your pants around her ankles looking from side to side with the confused expression on her face with her hands open like she was making a…

Yeah, like poly people keep that shit quiet at all, ever.

Uh, just a heads up to all you protective best men out trying to "look out" for your brobros, you might never really know what kind of relationship the married couple in question has. Even the most vanilla seeming people have arrangements.

Film is a kind of tape, right?

My brother used motion detection video software to catch the security guard using my brother's computer to download porn, jerk-off to it and then wipe his hands off on my brother's desk chair. It had been going on for weeks, apparently.

A former co-worker of mine left her own wedding reception to file paperwork to annull the marriage after her bridesmaid walked in on the groom getting a blowjob from one of the waitresses hired for the reception. I cannot even imagine.

This is why I'd rather live in a cardboard box underneath a bridge and a day old, stale piece of bread and a bottle of my own piss than have a roommate ever again.

We are so grateful they waited to share their first kiss until after marriage.

Dude, I don't know how to tell you this, but look at his body language. The passion is gone. I'd check his text messages and find out whether he's cheating on you.

I apologize for my insensitivity and my repeatedly referring to your husband incorrectly as a "bouncy ball"

that "odd stress ball" is my husband