I mean... to be fair, he’s a professional fighter, so... Maybe he’s just a workaholic? (Just kidding. He’s an asshole.)

Your local public library will allow you to do what your heart wants, guilt free!

“[A]lmost made the Olympics...”
Works in “finance or something...”
“[C]ould have just as easily put on a purple suit and stopped bank robbers instead...”

You need somebody to dig into this for you? Really?!?!? LeBron is better than him. LeBron was always better than him. And he’s always had bitter beer face about it. When the Celtics were getting over, this didn’t mean much. Once LeBron got over on the Celtics, it meant everything. To Paul Pierce.

You read a book that you thought was written by Olivia Munn? And you’re calling her an idiot?

Seriously! A gallon of water weighs 8 lbs.

Seriously! A gallon of water weighs 8 lbs.

And this is actually... kinda sane for him...? If you squint...

I had no idea this happened. Not gonna lie, they snuck this one by me using my own tactics against me: I don’t support racists with my money, my time, or my Busta Rhymes energy when I can avoid it... I had no idea.

Sometimes I wonder, though:  Should we use America’s racism against America? Think about voting rights: …

This is a confusing take...

Why do you need more details on “Kanye West is living in a stadium” if you think the whole thing is messianic bullshit? This would be like me demanding to know every single ingredient in the French mustard from Jimmy John’s. I don’t like mustard and I don’t eat at Jimmy John’s, so I don’t…

So you want an asshole willing to pretend he’s intelligent asshole based on the work of people whose names you don’t know. It’s gonna be really wild watching this country go the rest of the way down the toilet...

Who spelled “Jeff Buckley” wrong, the reporter or the editor?

He’s six years older than me, straight, white, and from Massachusetts. I’m six years younger than him, queer, multiracial, and NOT from Massachusetts. I don’t know him or his friends and I don’t think his friends are much like my friends, but some of this scans as pretty accurate to me... I’m very open to the idea…

And then the people rose up on the Internet as one and shouted “Justice for Amanda Knox!!!” and I was all like, “Wait... Are you sure?!?! That’s your slogan???”

Okay, but... “Mexican Restaurant in North Dakota” is probably as convenient a baseline for “horrible” or “terrible” in the minds of most as anything you could possibly offer, so... Damning with the opposite of faint praise?

(I’ve been to a Mexican restaurant on the Vermont/Canada border, and that would have been my…

This was one of my favorite elements of the hours and hours of coverage that ESPN did that night: The more you watched, the more times you saw vaguely buzzed dudes go from “WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, HIT ME?!?!?!” to “Oh, SHIT! This is NOT A DRILL!”

Part of the cultural degradation of Pistons fandom was the transition…

I’m with Murry Chang on this; you’re on the Internet, not in an elementary school cafeteria... ‘I wasn’t talking to you’ is the opposite of compelling. If you’re going to do the Internet thing of responding to a stranger (that wasn’t specifically addressing you), AND do the Internet thing of reading the absolute worst…

Imagine having such a large stack of bills that you would prioritize paying them over hitting this drunk weirdo everywhere but the soles of her feet in that parking lot...

That’s the conflict, though: She literally owes her life to her parents, at least one of whom is actively abusing her sister. She owes her ability to be someone other than “Who?!?!” to her sister. She could keep her mouth shut, but...

The best athletes in the world can probably figure out LOTS of interesting ways to have sex without even using beds. I’m a middle aged, retired rec league athlete and I’ve figured it out...

That’s before we get to the other part: Martin Luther King, Jr. is not the forever-Pope of African Americans.

You don’t get to do the opposite of what someone says ALL OF THE TIME and then hold me to a standard you’ve never approached or attempted to achieve just because the someone is MLK. I have a great deal of…