The best part of that Chuck Norris article: “An allergic reaction to food was ruled out because he’d only eaten cheese and beef jerky throughout the day.”

... I suspect they are not authentically Mexican. Actually, as wikipedia describes them as “a deep-fried burrito”, I suspect they are proudly American.

Are Mexicans the only thing Alex jones doesn’t fear? Or is he willing to brave their restaurants for their delicious chimichangas?

Why do they have a cut-rate Arianna Huffington as a speaker?

While I loathe Sarah Palin with every ounce of my being, wikipedia dredged up several uses of “lipstick on a pig” that precede both her political and actual existence. She certainly popularized it, though.

It’s not October, but who wants to tell ghost stories, in honor of “Ghostbusters”? Here’s the only one I have; my mom and uncle arranged for my grandfather Jack, who was exhibiting signs of dementia, to have a live-in housekeeper. She was wonderful, and when he passed away a few years later, we asked her if she’d like…

It was MONKEY BREAD. He was supposed to bake her monkey bread each week for the rest of the year. I find that to be such a creepy and unwholesome detail — like “what’s your favorite kind of bread? Monkey bread? Great! You’ll get a pan of it each week, baked by the person who groped you. That’ll make it okay, right?”

I can’t believe Martha Stewart doesn’t use proper punctuation, even in an Instagram caption. For shame, Martha!

Cops haven’t necessarily shown the best judgement when using tasers, either:

Your username is accurate.

This is like Magritte for morons. “Ce n’est pas un Magen David.”

Absurdity aside, I want to go through that petition and correct all of the grammatical errors. “There has been no consequences” is physically painful.

I was waiting for someone to touch my bump so that I could verbally and/or physically smack them, but the only people who dared were little old ladies, and I just couldn't do it.

Is there actually an apostrophe in “Fat One’s”? What belongs to the fat one? The restaurant? Is Joey Fatone the Fat One who owns the thing? I’m so confused.

For the symbolism to truly work, the trash wall should have been burning merrily during his speech.

Agador: My father was the shaman of his tribe and my mother was the high priestess.
Armand: So why the hell did they move to New Jersey?
Agador: I don’t know, they’re so stupid.

Maybe it was a in-class writing assignment, and the student couldn’t consult google or another reference. That seems a more reasonable assumption than that this student is an idiot.

The level of self-absorption it must take to think “My crappy painting really adds to this gorgeous natural vista” is difficult to imagine.

Based on those photos, Lindsay Lohan is 40 years old and marrying a 12-year-old boy.

Do they have sloths?