I know I should read this list, but its very existence is too fucking depressing to contemplate.

Ahem, as a former high school forensics competitor, I was WAY more coherent than this.

“...you do it in the casting of the film not in the casting of the show.”

It’s actually called Dystopique, right?

Woot! I don’t want to say too much for fear of doxxing myself (I know, like anyone cares), but I’m from Boyle County and competed for the city school system team.

Congratulations!

Here is the extent of my lone sex ed class, which was taught by the Home Economics teacher when we were in 7th grade; she had us pass around a cup and spit in it. Then she held up the disgusting cup of loogies and announced that it was just like having sex; you were exposed to all the people, and their germs, with…

How often do you think Siri tries to autocorrect “Blac Chyna” to “Black China”?

Personally, I cling to the notion that people are capable of extremes of both good and evil. There will always be those people who shelter the persecuted, those that turn them in to the authorities, and those that do neither. The vast majority of us fall into the mushy, do-nothing middle.

Actually, “Broad City” makes me feel pretty good about my life, because at least I’ve never melted a custom-made sex toy in the dishwasher.

Eh, they wanted these clowns out so that they didn’t embarass the party anymore. Whereas the Democrats wanted to continue to make delicious, delicious political hay out of the scandal.

Eh, I figure that the super-religious Jews obviously don’t believe what the fundie Christians believe, so why not let them have their little delusions about the Second Coming? It's just as cynical as the fundie perspective, really.

Yeah, when my mom pitched a fit before the rehearsal dinner because she felt that there weren’t “enough” photos of her in the slideshow we’d put together, it wasn’t really about the photos (which is why my rational argument that she gave me most of them didn’t work.) It was about whether I was showing her the…

Yesterday it was 93 degrees, and as I waited for the bus in my light cotton shirt and skirt, I thanked the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I don’t live in an era that would require me to wear 14 layers of petticoats and a corset in all seasons. Not to mention the availability of cheap, easy laundry services. Everyone in…

While I disagree on raglan being “difficult af” — I vastly prefer it to having to sew any sort of shoulder seam — I give the knitter mad props on her colorwork.

... Why is Billy Corgan dressed like a nun?

I remain convinced that none of these people has ever met an actual Jewish person. The last time my husband and I want to high holiday services at a new temple, we inadvertently walked into a mishegoss over the cantor, who we later learned had just left in a huff. Half the congregation apparently thought “good…

My dad was an alcoholic who temporarily lost his license due to a DUI (and, apparently, taking a swing at a cop) when I was nine. A few weeks of having to walk with him from school to basketball practice - and my “friends” asking if my dad was the one in the newspaper - meant that I didn't drink until I was 21.

My friend’s son got to meet a therapy horse during his leukemia treatment. It was definitely a highlight.

My husband is generally a high-functioning human being. He does his own laundry (much to my mother-in-law’s confusion), does our grocery shopping and cooking, and holds himself to a higher grooming standard than I hold myself. And yet it would never occur to him to vacuum. It’s not that he can’t see that the dog has…