Does the Enforced Sweet Gentle Smile Act of 2013 cover the sort of labor where I'm pushing a squalling infant from my vagina? Because I don't see that happening without some sort of smile-creating bracket.

Excellent point — that'll teach me not to pay attention to the roman numerals.

Realizing that these are by no means accurate — I thought most babies emerged head-first, with their arms down by their sides? "The Header", if you will?

The people in your point 2 are likely the same ones that want to keep government out of their Medicare and Social Security benefits. /facepalm/

But wait! According to Rush Limbaugh, Joseph Kony and the Lord's Resistance Army are actually good Christians who are fighting Muslims in Sudan! Do these Christian organizations know they're working against other Christians? *head explodes*

One can only assume that in New York he's going to profess his love of shwarma from a cart.

Yes, because as of April 10, 1865, race relations in the United States were absolutely hunky-dory!

I know some fillers are reabsorbed by the body — I think it depends on what type you get. So, maybe?

Single parents shouldn't get head-of-household tax exemptions? How does Rick's disapproval make them anything other than THE HEAD OF THEIR HOUSEHOLDS?

I'm 5'11" with long legs, and I am in love with AG's Premiere straight skinny jeans and their Jessie curvy bootcut. They're pricey, but they were recently on sale through Zappos...

I agree; well played, CEFAD recipient.

I don't understand why they objected to an empty bottle. What did they think she was going to fill it with once she was through the gate? Have I been walking by the "Liquid Exposives" dity free shop all these years?

I know a dog that does this! Of course, I think she drops her toys in the bucket so that no other dogs can get them while she's drinking.

Just as an aside — when my husband's 93-year-old grandmother was stationed with her husband in West Virginia during World War II, a local asked her quite seriously if she had horns. I had no idea that "Jews have horns" was an actual thing that actual people believed.

"Devour him gently, Atticus — eat the puppy nicely."

I see two people and a dog being eaten by baby zombies on the porch. How are they all expected to live in a one-bedroom house?

Yeah, go on [petfinder.com] and start poking around. There's lots of breed-specific rescue groups, but we got our mutt from "Great Dog Rescue New England," and they're aptly named. We did try the local animal shelters, but we knew our landlord wouldn't let us have a pitbull, and we wanted a relatively young and…

I live in an apartment building full of dogs, including my own. Dogs and breeds of dogs definitely vary in terms of their energy level and maintenance — our hound mutt needs a couple of good runs at the dog park before sleeping through the day, while I hear the little Italian greyhounds upstairs skittering around…

But of course! I top it off with imported angel tears.

Mine ate a pair of cheap wooden earrings a couple of weeks ago, including one of the ear wires. Thankfully, it showed up a day or two later.