I guess the Uber driver got Blindsided......

Blind Side 2: Aggressive Uberoo

Oh, you said the last two movies. My bad.

Finally, somebody said it. Nobody cares about your struggles. Maybe don’t live in the antarctic.

you forgot the donkey sauce

That’s a fair sentence. Jonathan should have kept his hands clean, instead, he had his hand in her pocket, uninvited. Oh, well; you live, you learn.

There’s been a mistake. Bonino, Bonino is the winner.

A well-cooked traditional English breakfast is a joy to eat.

Why doesn’t Jesus eat M&Ms?

This is the only correct answer...

nothing says romance like getting an abortion

In college I brought a girl back to my room and made the mistake of putting my iTunes on shuffle. Nothing like some Zeppelin to get the mood going before tearing into Pig Destroyer.

People really need to stop wearing socks with sandals/flip-flops. If your feet are cold put on some goddamned shoes and have some respect for yourself.

Pardon my judgement, but I just looked those up and, why THE FUCK would you pay $58 for those?

+250K jersey sales

Look, way before the draft, Chicago had this guy’s name all over it.

I slept in classrooms. Nobody ever treated it like an accomplishment.

I skipped most of the words, why is Bill Gates drinking a giant can of beer?

I have forwarded these comments to Charles Shipan at your university...so he can also give you a well-earned star.