"non-lothario guinea pig who refuses to leave cage watches from afar, then logs onto chat room to complain about how female guinea pigs only like assholes"

My Dad would have asked for some goats

All of this is making me want to watch episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark.

Haters gonna hate.

That's true. You start getting careless with short lengths and then what? Cannibalism? Nuclear War? Wholescale Anarchy?

If all it takes is one, why isn't everyone terrified of women?

Dear #NotAllMen,

The insurance premiums on that train must be out of this world.

I know right? It's so mean! And unnecessary. And just, against everything we should stand for.

Yawn. This sums up my feelings about Katy Perry:

Chris Rock said it best: "Stop bragging about shit that everybody else does on a daily basis". "I ain't never been to jail......you aren't supposed to go to jail!". "I take care of my kids......you're supposed to take care of your kids". "Sit your ass down, fool".

"My Woman." Ugh.

Tsk, task. Women wouldn't make that complaint because we have lower sex drives than men.

Makes you wonder if the authors tacitly approve.

If this Cosmo article were a person, I would kick it in the balls so fucking hard.

When the scientists were all drinking Irish car bombs the project seemed like a great idea, but in the morning they woke up and went, "Damn, I guess our study wasn't so groundbreaking or revolutionary after all."

Get off my lawn.

This always happens to "developed" girls. Which is awful, in that the way your body exists is not necessarily within one's control.

I'm | too sexy for the dance | too sexy for the Dads | too sexy for the lads

So apparently he's saying that he can only get erections when he is lying?

Important information for any potential partners, I think.