Time to close our borders to white men. I’ll self-deport.

I hope Rep. Scalise and all others injured by this lunatic make a full recovery.

Man beheads chicken because he can’t find his cock!

Janey Godley welcoming him on his last visit to Scotland.

This article is honestly kind of strangely written/unclear but the only thing I can think of (legally) is if this was not consensual...hence producer filing as third party. Though this is obviously speculation. Not a lot about this seems to make sense otherwise.

ARE YOU IN MY BRAIN

Thoughts:

please.

What about the discerning woman who doesn’t want something so personal, maybe in the market for a “we’re mostly just friends” massager?

I’m going to be dead honest people - only because it’s internet and you guys would know me if we ran smack into each other in the street.

I’m trying to figure out those attachments. Pencil eraser, pile driver and tealight candle?

I’m already drunk and it’s not even 9am. Who’s the seersucker now?

Yeah I’m alright with her doing whatever the shit she wants with her body, even if it’s something I would not choose to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

She’s likely “lost” because she had an abusive, manipulative mother who never treated her as anything other than an asset.

Really? I’m team shut the fuck up, mom.

100% of the penis-having readers of this article that were in a place where it was socially acceptable to do so just tried this out to see if they could do it.

1. Who hurt you?

As a man with exceptionally large hands (over 9 inches from wrist to middle finger tip) I tried doing this with my hand. It both took a while and resulted in ballsack spludging between my fingers like silly putty*. I would’ve rather seen that version in the film.

*I’m sure you could already tell, but this is not a…

Did you see the movie?

She’s read all 12 volumes of Cleo’s treatises on body and pleasure.