Y’know, a narcissistic sociopath is one of the few people that should have an easy time comforting families. You go in, repeat words of condolence you’ve seen others give, get praised by the media. The extra confidence from lacking empathy might even make you seem like a pillar of strength, whereas someone capable of…

Hey. Don’t talk that way about Old Spice.

They are beautiful. Quick—someone come help me find my own Neville Longbottom, whom I can marry in a garden. He can probs identify all the plants!

Why not cover all bases and just say he’s full of shit?

My husband agreed with your assessment, but I couldn’t feel any sympathy for him. He’s complicit af and if you throw your lot in with the likes of Trump than the minimum you deserve is him bullying and turning on you. If he had any integrity or moral compass he would have walked away from that job.

FUCK. HIM.

“Gina Brashears, the woman Trump has picked to oversee food safety for the Department of Agriculture, is a fun lovin’ gal with close ties to Big Ag and testified in court that “pink slime” is totally delish.”

Punching up is not bullying, it’s trying to stop the guy up top from stepping on your fingers.

Also she’s frickin’ BEAUTIFUL. I couldn’t imagine looking that great now, let alone 1.5 weeks after giving birth.

It infuriates me how the old Republican dudes in the Senate know nothing about babies/motherhood while at the same time obsess over restricting abortion rights, the availability of birth control, affordable healthcare for babies, etc. From an article about passing the law to allow Duckworth’s baby on the floor:

It’s totally his fault.

I legit wonder if gun rights people like actually read a single gun control platform to see what gun control demands actually are. I’ve said before, I know gun owners who are pro-gun control, because they know no one is trying to take your guns (unless all your guns are assault weapons, in which case, why?).…

Garbage Person Spews Garbage Thoughts.

I don’t know exactly what went down here, but how did this broad stick her puppy in the overhead bin and sit still in her seat for several hours without being like LET ME CHECK ON MY DOG?

HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR COLLUSION!

Both of my cats are obsessed with me. It’s cute until they want attention at 4:30 a.m.

Strange. I manage to socialize just fine at dinner at a restaurant.

Damn, I want to buy that waitress a drink for being awesome.

Once in a while you can’t ditch the assholes — say, they’re your family and this is the once a year “we’re visiting, let’s go out” that you do. Or you are with a new group and didn’t know they’re dicks.

Ted’s children are merely cautious about their dad hoarking up one of those brain slugs and it getting into their ears.