Mmmm..... fifteen years. Might not quite be enough time for Vandenburg to explain the tricky, um, racial optics of this case to the Aryan Brotherhood guys on his cellblock.

" I'm at heart a no-fun second-wave Dworkin-esque feminist..."

"... Middlesex School, a snooty boarding school in Concord, Mass. "

Are we proposing that anti-discrimination regs be amended to take account of appearance-based considerations? How about personality-based ones? Or cognitive ones?

"... just have a good personality"

Yeah, but if it is, then it's wrong; and if it's not, there's nothing relevant to this site about it. So either way, it's a bad decision.

Kourtney is like the house intellectual of the K-clan.

How many more of these before Emma lets you out of detention?

Laser eyes? Seared flesh? Shaking hands? I get the feeling that grabbing your dick in front of 75,000 people isn't your idea of a good time.

"...stand together against homophobic, sexist, misogynistic, anti-Semitic and racist agendas."

Soooo... "middle America" = BAD, but "be yourself" = GOOD?

Yes indeed. It marks the day that Team Jez realized that the gender-studies idiom works really well as a satirical tool.

Whoa - the watermelon doesn't fall too far from the vine, does it?

Stuyvesant is, what, 70% Asian? Against a citywide population that's about 10% Asian?

The "212" is such an oddly specific (and pedantic) touch. It'd also be more idiomatic to say "I made xxx" (not "make") if he's in a base+bonus compensation arrangement, since the current-year figure would be unknown.

Jez satirizing itself? How very meta.

I only skimmed the original, but that line about "I make 212 a year and she only makes 30, so I can afford a better attorney" had a strong whiff of low-rent American Psycho about it.

"what is the air speed of a laden can of creamed corn?"

If you're going for PG Wodehouse instead of colloquial, sure.

"Starvation and losing much more wieght than is healthy?"