I’ be good multiple people over the past year that their rights end where my body begins.

I got a rubber bracelet that says, "I got my covid-19 shot."

I got excited. I thought they were eating weed infused cheese only to find out it was cheese mispelled. Cheefe would make an excellent name for weed cheese though.  

My Grandma ask the same question just the other day. 

From the makers of the flowbee haircutting system comes an all new product! Men’s portable dingleberry removal system! No more streaks and skids! You’ll never have to toss another pair of underwear because of stains again! Your underwear can deteriorate right off your body till only one string holds them together!

My step kids’ grandma is a lesbian Baptist preacher, conspiracy theorist and a Trump supporter.  She lives in Florida.  All those words together in one sentence boggles the mind doesn't it?

You know it was released on DVD and VHS. It's close to 20 years old.

Kourtney Kardashian’s future hair.

Who isn’t interested in their family's history?

You should go to the new portfolios at Addison and Kimbell. Then look at line of people. Now turn your body to Home Depot and get a couple of Depot dogs and eat in comfort.

That’s not funny. You know the well respected funeral home from down the street hosted that press conference.

The first time my ex’s brother tried mdma he looked at my ex and ask him if this is what feelings felt like and acknowledged that other people have feels too. Yes he is a narcissist.

I used to work at a vegetarian place in Chicago. We did not use cutesy names for fake meat. We had tofu and setain. Everything was clearly marked. The words chicken and steak aren’t even on the menu. Vegan and vegetarian though appear about 20 times. It never failed someone would show up about once a month and become …

I set think each shoe should come with a drop of ranch to stay true to the brand.

I plan on continuing to wear a mask because it makes it easier to silently laugh at jackasses in public without them knowing.  I've done some great people watching this past year.

I grew up in Indiana. I have seen fights over shoes in gas stations and liquor stores more times than I want to think about. The closer you get to Lake Michigan the better chance you have to see an argument about shirts too. It’s never the people you want to see strolling around without a shirt. It’s always a guy…

I clean houses for a living. The Dyson works better for me than a lot of the vacuums with wheels. Also they are great for stairs. I have tendinitis and carpal tunnel in my dominant arm. I seem to hurt less after using the dyson cordless vacs.

I clean houses for a living. The Dyson works better for me than a lot of the vacuums with wheels. Also they are…

Turns out having more than one thought at a time hurts their pretty little heads.

Every day we get closer and closer to a Chopping Mall distopia. This time we won't have to go to the mall. The mall will be in our own back yards.

I used to work there many moons ago. In 2007 they were always called red strips. I’m not saying that they were never called fiesta crunchies I just want to know when they were called that. Do they still have the lime flavored ones?