He only played in 44 career games and still had severe CTE. The NFL isn’t going to like this one bit.

It’s very generous of you to think that we are smart enough for that. However I see this going horribly wrong. Like hot pocket scorching the roof of your mouth kind of wrong.

WHY DO GUYS STICK THEIR DICKS IN THINGS THAT AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE STUCK.

Or c’mon, microwave a canteloupe or something.

Jesus Christ, man! If you’re bored of your hand, either buy a fleshlight or make one at home, and stop trying to make penile insertion a freakin’ death sport.

Look, once we can fuck our phones, nobody’s ever leaving their houses again.

Mine hurts just looking at that god why did I click on that?

Not for the squeamish: the before shot (NSFW!)

If you’re expecting an interesting introspective look at humanity’s place in the history of the universe and “god’s” perspective on us, you’ll be disappointed as the religious allegory is very hamfisted and not at all subtle. It’s not quite an F, but I wouldn’t give it more than a D+.

I’m not for it either, for at least similar reasons to yours, but you kind of just brought up the point; It’s Hollywood. And sadly, in Hollywood, guys with wives 20 years younger than themselves are normal*.

Javier Bardem is the same age as her current boyfriend.

So do we just send her directly to rehab and the IRS at this point because if she doesn’t end up broke and broken I’m going to be damn shocked. She’s a literal child it’s not her fault she has bad adults surrounding her who will slither away when the cash stops coming in.

Why are people still promoting this person?

And now a public service announcement

I was also thinking she probably has to bring them because all her usual childcare providers are probably also guests.

I have a cousin who’s a piece of shit. Everyone knows it but he thinks everyone is wrong and a piece of shit for thinking so.

Oh yeah, no doubt, but I’ve been to more and more weddings recently with small children SCREAMING during the vows and what not and the looks of pain and regret on the wedding party’s faces has been painful. Sometimes that’s a choice they’ve made and they’re happy with it; recently a bride told me that her…

Guys don’t do emotional labor. He’s already training her for marriage— it’s now her job to deal with his family.

When my sister got married, one of her husband’s groomsmen asked if he and his wife could bring their infant (about 6 months old). They said no, no kids invited. He tried to make a case about not being able to separate the kid from his mother during breastfeeding. They said, sorry, then you won’t be able to be in the…

Disinvite that bitch. Fuck her.