Paper products, sodas for the kids, movies to watch (we love it when someone else redboxes,) rolls (just in case) and a bouquet for the cook are all things that my family has gotten and appreciated from not-sure-where-or-how-I-can-fit-in guests in the past.

And they hate Ratchet Galore with a searing fire that RG doesn’t even suspect exists.

The grandparent who cusses will cuss again. It will be hilarious, but you bet’ not laugh, you know he had a stroke. In my family, he will also name his therapy dog something that can easily be mistaken for any available cusswords in his new, stroked-out accent. He will yell the dog’s name loudly in public at every…

Wait wait wait...was that a “we all know that baby actually your baby” conversation?

Did that one year with a hare and a pheasant (yes, I was dating a white guy who hunted.) Still get asked “did X (ex X) go hunting this year?”

I have been to Irish Thanksgiving. Can confirm. My invitation was “you like potatoes, don’t you?”

Black and Iowan. We gather at around 1, eat at around 2, cocktails and catch up until 5, eat again at 6, pack up leftovers at 7:30, stop to catch up more and because someone’s late, hit the desserts for round three at 9:45, and get chased out of my mom’s house at around 11.

Where is your family from? Is there a chance that it could be a yeast-risen cake instead of a bread?

Raisin pie can be awesome. But no one will ever believe you. Mine is spiced custard based, but I know of at least five other versions, I believe it was either a Depression or a WWI era recipe, originally.

We had a relative like that, but her thing was funerals and wakes. She’d show up with a minivan packed with food and grandkids (we don’t actually know who she was related to, now that I think about it.) Then one day, there was a post-funeral gathering and we were all standing around wondering where the food was... It…

We are looking directly at you, cheeto turkey!

Yeah, I think a lot of the problems on some of the other sites he was on were ad-related. If you’re on a site where 90% of the advertising is NSFW, you’re going to lose a hell of a chunk of your audience. So far, that problem hasn’t popped up with Bitter Empire, however gottdamned ugly the site is. And it is ugly.

I know, it just seems so bizarre that the SPCA would take that tack instead of just going after the people releasing them in the first place.

It has eight legs and appears to be completely dry. That there is a spider.

I, on the other hand, am laughing my ass off. Poor snake!

A pitcher plant could help too, if the flytrap doesn’t do it. My mother’s enormous bromeliad is infested with gnats, the pitcher plant (since she won’t let me buy our office a brace of finches) is the only thing that keeps them down.

Yeah, see...this is why I can’t go visit probably the best friend I have. She’s Australian and rural. I’m American and while I like spiders, I like them small, non poisonous and at a distance.

Wait what? Why can’t you eat them? They’re chickens. Chickens are domesticated animals developed over time to be delicious. So what if it’s feral, that just means you get to hunt them as well.

Maybe try an older cat first then? Older verging on elderly pets, usually animals who belonged to older people who have died, have a much harder time being adopted than kittens. Many are pretty well trained, most up for adoption will be healthy/chronic condition free, and an older, already trained pet can function…

Just wait long enough, she’ll figure it out. It will, of course, be when you’re on the toilet with a houseful of guests. *bad memories*