Solid strategy: stop reading the second you find something to be bothered about. If you keep reading then the rest of the paragraph might fix the problem, and you won't be able to feel put upon and make it about you.

Yesterday night, me and my guys were hanging out at someone's house, around a fire and we were drinking. We started talking about the Ray Rice incident, and for the first time ever, I disclosed my rape and abusive relationship to my friends.

"Failure is not getting knocked down. It's not getting up."

You could try "You are cordially invited to the wedding of
McCoy's Mistress

In Canada Taco Bell not only has fries, but they have Fries Supreme, which is fries with all the taco stuff on it. It rules.

I've created a helpful chart for Walter.

On the wine:

Nomad is not the same as Gypsy, nor is it a slur word. Jesus.

Oh, man, don't you love it when you can shoot the shit and joke with your coworkers? I used to have a group of coworkers who sat around with me all day making jokes about genitalia and sex and vibrators that play Christmas music. Those were the days! Now most of my coworkers are religious and I have to watch what I…

if I had to pick a charity I thought would accept it, I'd pick PETA.

Our (Texas) school dress code prohibited body piercings — even body piercings that are not visible while clothed. I had my belly button pierced and the rumor got around to my cheer coach, who demanded I lift up my shirt so she could inspect my reportedly-pierced belly button. I told her if she forced me to lift up my…

She won a beauty pageant and her prize is being told that she needs to be more beautiful. Well done.

That GIF is so adorable. That proud look on his face: did you see what cute thing my kid just did?

I have always embraced my paleness (full disclosure: on a scale of 1-10, with 1 as the palest, I'm definitely a 2 or 3). But I'm also vain. Also that lovely little friend Melanoma runs in my family, so that.

He shot himself in the back without a gun! No wait, he shot himself in the chest without a gun, while his hands were cuffed behind his back! But no, he had a third arm we just didn't know what to do with because there are only two cuffs! No wait, he stole an officer's gun and held a white child hostage! Actually, he…

Weird. Definitely not something they make you do around here. I know I saw some Facebook post showing a sign on an OB's door saying that all patients will be drug tested and people were all "yeah, right on", and here's me thinking - doesn't that just discourage addicts from getting prenatal care? I don't know if…

Thing is, America has the wait time too. My old primary care doctor had a 3-4 week wait. If you had a sinus infection that was serious enough for antibiotics and you didn't want to wait 3-4 weeks, you'd go to Urgent Care and wait anywhere from 3 to 8 hours. I've waited over 12 hours in the ER for a bed in the…

What a time to be alive!

It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.

I did the "THESE ARE MY FRIEND'S CIGARETTES" one when I was 18. My mom was like :-|