I will not give you my secret to eternal life. I will, however, give you my recipe for nacho pies, which is much more rewarding.

Enjoy an upvote. Only a few days left to exchange them all with the cashier for a plastic comb or sticky-hand. You're never going to be able to afford the 50cc motorbike or the Cort electric guitar.

"Where's the kaboom?
There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom?"

I had the same avatar on another comment site many years ago, with the name GuyanaPunch .

Your avatar reminds me of an ill-advised tattoo…

Hey dude - Australian too.

Scab babies!

"He don't wanna scream in that there disabled baby's face! He a pinko socialist!"

Here, have a cheque for three acorns…

"Eskimo kisses!"

It's like he's just a stranger on the bus

Sweet, sweet, crippling diabetes and depression

There could be a publicist' job at Ubisoft at the end!

It's an alt-right favourite. They love eating shit.

I hope he loses the case, is found in contempt, is forced to eat actual shit and then dies in a mine collapse.

The Ennis stuff was brilliant, tongue-in-cheek stuff. I am enjoying the run from the last few years too, that has clearly taken a bit of inspiration from the lo-fi Hawkeye run (sans the fun and the semiotics).

"I can kick, David!"

Corn, or maize as it is known by the American Indians, is very important to American farmers and households. In conclusion, maize.

I'm ignoring your first comment, completely agreeing with the second

Better things to adapt: