*sees Grim Fandango is only at #7*

They are handsome but boring on such a pervasive level that sex with either of them would be like when you swim in a really beautiful resort pool but you’re constipated or something so it’s just like eh.

SHUT UP MY NEW YEARS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT IN PARIS “spending the whole day unapologetically in the spa.”

I thought Alyssa was Kris Jenner for a sec...honey, no.

I didn’t think having a lady-lead would make that much of a difference to me (I didn’t think I’d feel so included) but it legitimately did in the best way possible.

Here’s the thing.

“I wonder what makes everyone so interested in me.”

One of them leaned over her suitcase like there was yoga position called “Packing Goddess Camel Stretch”. One of them packed Lena Dunham’s memoir. Was the one on Ritalin the same one who can only pack in pouches? Was Hamish Bowles wearing a thumb hole sweater? And finally, vibrator maybe. Dildo?? For her Jackson Hole?

He actually says to the jury as he approaches the bench, “how could you do that? how could you do that?”
Rage. Blinding rage. How could THEY do that? I hope this fuckin’ guy really enjoys his possible 263 years.

Fucker got the birthday gift he deserved. I honestly thought he’d get away with it. Justice prevailed for these women, and I hope that the judge throws the book at him and he never sees the outside of a prison again.

Yikes, is the “cow” word really necessary?

ayyy dios mio

Fixed it for ya.

Good for her. I’ll just pretend that she was being interviewed by Crazy Ira and The Douche.

Spratt’s son!

Damn, maybe the person who accidentally texted me “Who u been fucking?” recently was my soulmate and I missed it.