This is the order of these two comments on my screen right now:

I'm writing a spy thriller (original, I know!) and there is a Victor and an Igor in it!

Omg I love me some Cassandra snark.

That's because Dan Aykroyd is a comedic genius.

That gif makes me laugh far too much. Wiggly wieners in an Ugg boot. And his face. Priceless.

Saaaame. I don't get the appeal at all. I wore a sorta poofy A-line dress to prom once (junior year) and was like NOPE fuck this noise, gimme the slanky number next year please.

So what I left out in the story above is that I had actually already bought my dress prior to my mother visiting me. When I told her this she flipped the fuck out. I tried to explain to her that I had to buy it sooner rather later. Good thing I did, because it took 9 fucking months for the dress to come in and if…

1986 in da hooooouse.

Don't get me wrong, I would not be caught dead in Kate's dress. But, becoming a royal m'f'in' princess ... I kinda understand why she probably had to go with something like that. I doubt the Queen would have approved of anything with some slank to it. (Thank you Zoe Washburne for the best dress term ever).

Poofy snow-beast with all the lace dresses were totally the thing in the 80s. That's what all of my relative's wedding photos look like.

ON A THERMOS!

ARE YOU ME 5 YEARS AGO?

DOEET. I can't, super thin lips that just look ridiculous with dark red lipstick.

FML for my mother tweasing/waxing my eyebrows so much as a teenager than they now do not grow back properly and are so thin I have to shade them in so they look fucking normal. Full eyebrows are totally fabulous now.

My mom would say shit like that in front of my friends. I'm ... not sure why.

No apologize necessary, fo realz, nobody should ever have that kinda shit flung at them, especially by the hypocrites that are simultaneously making fun of and desiring the exact same facial feature you have.

I KNO RITE?!

Infantilize is my mother's middle name.

"I am original because I am a go-getter and nobody has ever thought to do [insert stupid cliche thing here] for their wedding!" *Gestures at you with thermos and 5-seasons old Coach bag.*