As opposed to the Astros’ mascot, who is no longer allowed within 500 yards of any elementary school.

He was truly the Edsel of General Managers

I just love the ineptitude shown by all former and current Texans quarterbacks (Osweiler, Fitzpatrick, Hoyer) in the last week, and marvel at the extension just given our GM, who must have 8x10s of owner Bob McNair blowing a horse. The only winner: Case Keenum! (gargles rat poison)

Pedro Martinez weighed like 150 and had the physique of a wan D & D player when he was in his prime with the Expos. Muscle =/= pitching skill. Shit, look at David Wells, who looked like he should have been a mobility scooter.

Do the PC police shoot unarmed reactionaries?

“But I said ‘build more housing’ in a very Rain Man-esque way in 3,928 different posts last year!”

I was thinking “My Little Buttercup” from Three Amigos

They should honor the original spirit of the award and all recipients should come up with an innovative way to re-take The Philippines.

I think the original line was “My little Bill Duke,” because everyone loves Bill Duke.

(Kirk Cousins sits) (Pierre Garcon freaks the fuck out)

Related: Tommy Chong scheduled for public execution.

“If there’s going to be any misleading or misinforming to be done, it’ll be up to us. Maybe we’ll outsource to a local Fraternal Order of Police chapter.”

You think that’s bad, you should see the numbers of the embrace debate critical essay industry.

Wow, the population of (scrolls down scrolls down scrolls down scrolls down) St. Joseph, Missouri, America’s 442nd most populous city, tuning in to hear Shannon n’ Skip on the regular.

I thought weavers were supposed to produce tapestries, not travesties.

Maybe if he’d stop dropping his bat so violently his bat wouldn’t have rebelled to the tune of his hitting .230

The Torontoan (sic) invasion of Seattle yesterday was also pretty impressive.

When it comes down to it, he didn’t do much better with Larry Sanders’ Ed McMahon stand-in, Hank Kinglsey.

Finally, an American team that performs like America.

It’s Colin Kaepernick’s fault, diverting attention away from Tortorella where he could have been alienating and badly coaching his own players.