Things have clearly been in decline since croquet fell from popular favor.

LOLOL!!! Omfg, if i had onllly known! I could've avoided all those years of retainers and my teeth would've magically just straightened themselves out from their crazy mess if i'd just avoided nuts and grains??....Now i find out... sheesh. I wouldnt've had to have those teeth pulled to make room in my mouth so…

My mother, who is seventy-six, said about the photos, "Ick. Don't let her sit on the furniture."

Ohhhhh man I really want to punch that face. This... this has be evolutionary right? Like nature abhors smug asshole faces or something.

Cheesecake flavors with Girl Scout cookie crumb crusts and corresponding sauce toppings. It's like a special level of masochism to bake them.

I love how the nutrition facts suggests something like 2 Thin Mints as one serving. Don't they mean one sleeve of cookies 'cuz that's how I roll?

They really should be expelled. Guys who think drugging and raping people is funny should not have access to the drugs that dentists so commonly use to numb pain or make people unconscious.

can someone let Gaston know there is a push up contest happening in my bedroom and he is invited? And by bedroom, I mean my bed. Clothing optional.

Cats would never do this to anyone— they just don't have the attention span. This is why I will marry my cat and live happily ever after.

Ugh, yes. I find I can't watch a number of animal videos or look at pet photos because in so many of them that are labelled funny/cute/cool, the animal is clearly in distress but the people taking the picture or interacting with the animal are completely oblivious. Like that video of the dog "enjoying" getting washed…

Basically all the rabbit videos on Youtube are like that, too. No, your rabbit is NOT enjoying being chased by your dog, tossed in a swimming pool, or laid on its back with its belly exposed. It is a prey animal and is terrified right now, use some fucking sense. /derail over

I'm so sad for this family—all of the kids witnessed this horrible scene. This is why when people say crap like, "Everything happens for a reason," I'm like, "Fuck you, you obviously don't pay attention to the news."

That's typical for me and my boyfriend, but with tons of grant deadlines and family-related stress lately, we're down to once every other week. Fortunately, we're both okay with it, since neither one of us really has the energy for more sexytimes. But my college self would be astounded I'd rather go out for tacos than…