No pregnancy. There was a pullout. ;)

Did you see this one? I first read about it (complete with snarky commentary) on a hipster hate blog. But it stands on its own.

Hello Lauren, I was wondering if you could do me a favor with your journalism connections and get in touch with Taylor Swift. I am currently in her womb and if you could just ask her to knock it the hell off with the fucking acai bowls and green tea smoothies for breakfast? How about some chicken fried steak or hash…

Thanks! I’d be afraid of doing it wrongly and hurting him, I’ll just hug him a lot, but this was so thoughtful. Thank you very much.

She had a great vet who made sure she was very well treated. She is very sore, but she’ll be fine. I’ll remember this long after she will.

I went to find the tightest tshirt I could find for my poor anxious pup. This is what I came up with. I feel so bad for her but I guess at least I got a laugh out of it and it seems the be calming her down.

My cats are the actual worst.

It has been Shark Week (as in Discovery Channel Shark Week, not Give Me Potato Chips and Chocolate Shark week), so nails this week were Espionage Cosmetics Sharks!

DAMMIT

Well I’m too late but the night is young and why not troll while you still can

Hello if anyone is around and reading this I am bored to shit in the womb of Taylor Swift waiting to be birthed. The wifi was down all day yesterday and the only thing to keep me entertained was a conversation Taylor and Tom were having about their favorite shade of beige. (Spoiler Alert, they both tenuously agreed on…

YAYYYY SUPERNATURAL I love that show pretty much unconditionally.

Please remember to be considerate of your neighbors this Independence Day weekend in the USA. While you may love fireworks, there may be a combat veteran suffering from PTSD close by. Try to remember that loud noises can scare people (and pets), especially late at night.

BEAUTY THREAD!

This week was a terrible one. My family troubles intensified and Emily got out twice. The first time, she was missing for a while, but she came back and was fine.

Wednesday, my roommate left the door to our balcony deck open and she must have fallen or jumped off the balcony the second time, and landed right on her…

Officially participated in my first booty call type situation (went in with my eyes open and all). Feeling a pretty equal mixture of pride and self-loathing. I will accept Internet high fives and assurances that everything is going to be alright.

I remember when my English teacher assigned this book in high school. When she asked my my opinion, I was suspiciously quiet that day. I said, this whole book was just some real white people shit.

But sometimes cats are the ones initiating the sexy times.

OK, “sources”, I call total bullshit. Taylor has a private jet. If she wants to go somewhere, she goes somewhere. Nowhere is “too far away”.