I live in North Alabama and every time we have a work potluck someone brings the strawberry pretzel thing. I’ve never eaten it because I don’t like pretzels but everyone else devours it.

Buttered popcorn is a foul abomination. Cinnamon or nothing.

Fox reports no foxes in the henhouse!

And it’s not like his wife gives a shit.

I love that the recommended stories includes a Classic Simpsons review of the episode where it’s revealed Troy McClure has a fish fetish.

Pac Man caused the opiate crisis by normalizing pill-popping. FACT

Vornado is the sequel to Sharknado. Vultures ;)

My inbox informed me that I can be empowered by purchasing clothing, makeup, and jewelry. No thanks.

Nah, Tetris is fine. It’s Russian.

But muh hurrrritage!

I got to see her a few weeks back. She was amazing!

Oh, so it was just ironic white supremacy. That makes everything all right. Here’s your Teacher of the Year award.

I’m off the dating market (thank god) but back when I was? Conservatives got me drier than the Atacama. I can’t seriously find myself attracted to someone who literally thinks I don’t have the rights to bodily autonomy and self-determination they do.

Look, if you aren’t having a spontaneous orgasm every time you hear about the military, you just don’t respect the troops enough.

This is an old favorite:

I get sad when I see the piles of them on clearance after Valentine’s Day. :-/

The only Orange Panther that fits the bill:

But King George could come back at any time! ANY. TIME.

Who is the CPAC woman?....

Fuck top sheets. All they do is get tangled by my feet and wake me up. Luckily my fiance is also a fellow top-sheet-scorner and that’s one of the reasons I’m keeping him.