Since this is obviously a made up story, in order to make it easier for everyone else to separate fact from fiction here, I’ve taken the liberty of going through the entire article and highlighting the things that are obviously make believe so readers coming after me can focus on the aspects of the article that may be…

Heads up - the lead image on the main page actually shows Night Monkey rather than Spider-Man.

As a consequence, the middle seat gets both middle armrests.

The middle seat gets both armrests.

And you think that too much immigration is the reason for hardly any wage growth despite the massive productivity gains?  And you know, not that the wealthiest have basically hoarded those productivity gains?  If real wages have barely grown, productivity has increased, and income inequality has increased massively…

Did you even read the article, much less the lede? 

honestly it tracks

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

I was a reasonably good hitter in baseball growing up, not athletic, but coordinated. 75/80 MPH on a pitching machine feels like 200 to me. I can’t even see it.

“and if she was so upset that he won, why did she work for him? I don’t understand that part.”

“So is the Trump campaign consciously dog-whistling at white nationalists or just plain stupid?”

You know, when it comes to Firefly I never quite got why it’s held in such high regard. I watched it and I enjoyed it for what it was but it struck me as kinda uneven at best. Most of the episodes were okay, some were good and some weren’t that great. Basically it was a normal first season for a Whedon show - Buffy…

At least 50% of those were super fucking stupid.