General managers and coaches are just salivating at the prospect of working with him.

uh, God’s not really a big fan of calves, especially Golden ones

This is a killer comment.

Wasn’t expecting you to invoke the name of Achilles - what a heel turn.

Oscar Pistorius competed in the Olympics. And that guy has NO calves. 

so when the Bruins win the Cup on Wednesday will these ads then show up on the web browsers of poor children in Africa?

I’m afraid they just Blue themselves.

Made for the following people in their entirety:
You, Me

It’s time like this when Donald Sterling misses being a minority owner.

Russia should just make a series called Flint.

This is actually kind of tragic. Now that the fawn has the smell of the Browns on it, it’s mother will reject it and it will end up dead.

Bike riders are easily the worst. Fuck those clowns n their Lance Armstrong cosplay outfits all bombing down the rail trail at a whopping 15 mph like they’re training for the Tour so they can go to the craft brewery later and sit around in their too-tight shorts trading Strava readings while complaining that the IPA…

It was super, thanks for asking!

Usually when a guy’s friends and neighbors describe him like this, he’s recently been outed as a serial killer.

I’m surprised DJ Gay had time for an interview with all the gigs this month.

Perfect, exactly what I was picturing. 

AND I’D SURELY STAND UP! NEXT TO YOU AND SAVE ON MY NEXT RENTAL.