“I will turn this store around right now if you kids don’t settle down!”

I clicked on this post specifically to see this comment. I didn't even read the article, well played.

We were all thinking it.

No Time to Pee

Yep.
I worked at a department store when Furby came out and...

I’m sorry, I thought I was ready to talk about this. 

This reminds me of the Great Cabbage Patch War of the 80's where white people would beat up children to get the dolls. 

Maybe just finish working on your “Clickbait: The Motion Picture” script and stop writing stuff like this. 

I want two things next year. Trump ledout of the white house in handcuffs,and this film to come out. The first one actually seems more likely.

I’m saying this is the unauthorized biography of tens of thousands of Chinese guys.

Ansari did a set at the Comedy Cellar earlier this summer. It was a surprise appearance, and he didn’t talk about sexual assault or his hiatus (though rumor, miscommunication and media sensationalism were the themes of his set).

Jesus fucking Christ. That’s embarrassing.

As someone who would have put money in to this film, but had no money, and as such technically did not fund this film, I also demand the rights to The Man Who Killed Don Quixote!

He did, kinda. In the tweet, the lead picture is Trump. Trump wins fake news.

We’re all winners, because this somehow makes America great again.

Not even Daniel Day-Lewis would be believable in this role.

Her breasts appear to be in an unusual location, which Franken may not have been aware of in advance.

Maybe in Japan things like facts still matter, but we’re making America great one ridiculous rumor at a time!

How come women can’t go sleeveless when Paul Ryan is allowed to go spineless?

This is precisely why I elected *not* to compete in the Rio Olympics.