Poor people. If they had just checked the Rapture Index on Rapture Ready [www.raptureready.com] - they would've known the 21st wasn't the day!

and a masterpiece of waste and excess

might this be an acceptable solution? :)

eep I don't know!

it's this internet archive featuring photos of ugly babies and chunky secretaries on fancy 3 day cruises to cozumel

What is it with my people and jewelry?

Hi Grammar Nazi! Shouldn't there have been a question mark at the end of your first sentence? Additionally, I should note that both "1920's" and "1920s" are acceptable.