That play by Douglas was so dirty that I am on Team Talib for the first time in my life.

Kris Kardashian is behind every bad and awful thing. Kris - and I’m certain about this - is a manifestation of the Moth Man and every demon which precedes a disaster. She was probably one of the unnamed women at the foot of the cross during the crucifixion.

I love how careful your wording is.

L.A.’s famed Chateau Marmot

...And all of the dipshit millenials and college students who abstained or wrote in Harambe.

He actually lost the popular vote. He only won by the electoral college, which is in place because some states in this country used to own slaves, which inflated their population numbers even though those enslaved people couldn’t vote. There are no more slaves, but the electoral college remains, giving states with…

A few fun facts:

This was an inevitable result of years of them being terrible people. Trump just hastened it. Maybe I’ll send thme a Christmas card with a picture of her beaming brightly. But for now, they won’t have any contact with her. And even though I upped my Planned Parenthood donations, this is much more satisfying. Watching…

“It doesn’t look like anything to me.” That was my “Theresa, you in danger girl!” moment. I had a feeling that she wasn’t long for her current form after the lunch scene where Ford told her and the board to go fuck off in the most magnificent and terrifying way ever.

This is why NFL ratings are in the trash. Because shit officiating is literally changing the outcome of games, so what’s the point of watching if you know bad calls will screw your team over and the best you can hope for is an “ooops we screwed up,” the next day?

You need something like this. Easier to clean then scissors or the inefficient wheel cutter

In accompanying news, Tennessee head coach Butch Jones announced Mondaythat standout running back Jalen Hurd is transferring and switching to wide receiver. 

Well, the Vols aren’t completely fucked. If Florida loses to Arky and LSU and if Tennessee beats Missou, Kentucky and Vandy (50-50 at this point) - Vols would win that tiebreaker.

Oh my god one time in freshman year I was in Harvard Square at 1 in the morning having just tried to stop the dam against drunkenness at Felipe’s and I really had to pee to I ran down into a loading dock and only discovered after I was done that I had accidentally soiled a pigeon.

The enforcement of the rule feels entirely arbitrary.

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

Title NEIN

I want you to know how much I laughed and laughed and laughed about this. It was the perfect follow up to that story.

Omg. I’m dying, this is the funniest thing I have ever heard of. I want to give you more than 1 star.

I have done many things (either on a dare or out of necessity) but I have never shit anywhere I should probably not have.