I read your essay, then I read Atwood’s. I can’t recognize what she wrote in yours, which seems largely ad hominem.

Seems like I’m still, more or less, cleared to clear: any leftover food (a rarity for this fat ass) is accumulated to the smallest porcelain, before all porcelain is stacked, largest to smallest, then silverware, and finally any paper product residue on top, to one side (at breakfast all the dead soldier half-and-half…

An investment broker friend of mine who once toured Goldman Sachs’ commodities set up was told that Dunkin’ Donuts and Folgers were the companies who cared the most about the beans and I used to really like Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, but around 2013 they started stretching their beans past the breaking point. It wasn’t…

Lmao at all the “boring cars”/”boring people” comments.

Right now he’s not playing for anybody.

This reminds me of a non-Christmas experience I had. I had been wearing one of those baseball caps with LEDs in the bill while working on the outside of my house one evening and when I stood up after finishing I saw a tiny sparkle of light in the grass about 40 feet away. I kept my eyes on it as I approached, but lost…

I would tell you to shove your head up your ass, but it’s already there.

Or you could just ask prospective partners how they know their partners have orgasmed (or otherwise responded favorably to their attentions) and gauge from their response whether you think they know how —and care— to please their partners. Just a thought.

In the game I used to play, Tap Sports Baseball 20XX, if you wanted to win you had to spend real money on gold to spend on “chances” at better players.

Here’s the rule I tell all my friends: before you begin to pass a semi on the interstate, look up ahead to see if you’re approaching an overpass.

Patience? The trucker pulls out in front of me to take 5 or 10 minutes to pass two other semis that are only going 2 miles an hours slower than he is and you’re advising US to be patient? Riiight.

I’d argue that the point of “Rear-Enders” is to pay attention to the car behind you and be prepared to brake for the both of you. For example, if they’re driving too close leave extra room in front of you so that you can slow down slowly enough to force the tailgator to also slow down before you reach the car in front…

“...all the way back to the Galaxy S6 and Galaxy Note 5"

Yeah... they ATE him!

I blame Mets fans.

Reminds me of the CGI Braniff plane that used to fly by the camera at the end of the Colbert Report credits.

“Ruh roh.”

Bah! You’re over-complicating it.

Sure. If you just set the weights down they can’t scream “HEY, LOOK AT THIS MACHO DUDE!”

I kinda agree except for one point: it might just be an artifact of the night camera, but the middle brake light seems brighter than I’d expect.