I would have said the college football season started on Saturday, when there were 4 games featuring 6 FBS schools, but what the fuck do I know? 

Yeah, I realize I should have put ranked/power 5, but fuck it! Anyway, the season doesn’t start till the first ranked team plays. Got it. 

Maybe football should be eliminated entirely from all schools except those in the Power 5 since those games obviously don’t count to you? 

The Kirkland Signature one ain’t bad.

Gin + lime juice with ice in a rocks glass is all you really need.

Fuck you. 

Also coattails but mostly coat tales.

Gillum is going to win and he’s gonna drag Ben Nelson over the line on his coat tales. 

Beat me by a minute. 

Just say something like “Since it looks like you’re single now would you want to go on a date or have some no-strings attached casual sex later?”

I was on a non-smoking train from Paris to Vienna once and I guess to tide him over between stops the dude sitting in front of me kept taking small bites of an unlit cigarette and eating it.

It’d be cool if I didn’t get at least 30 minutes of voicemail fax transmissions on the main office line once a week. 

Children are human beings and not, you know, animals, but whatever. 

Can you not bring your dog to the fucking restaurant? I was in a upscale-ish place for lunch about a year ago, and a woman brought a dog into the restaurant *literally strapped to her chest in a harness* and then proceeded to eat her $18 hamburger *while the dog sat on pink a stool she specifically brought for it to…

That’s cool but Porcelain is a type of pottery? So, your “fine china” is already pottery. 

That’s cool but Porcelain is a type of pottery? So, your “fine china” is already pottery. 

Catholic High School Girls In Trouble!

Fuck yeah free magazine!

Burger King “flame broils” their burgers which means it goes through a machine on a conveyor belt, and I seriously doubt they have one just for veggie burgers.

“He founded LawCash in 2000. The Brooklyn-based firm bankrolls questionable lawsuits against the city and charges plaintiffs exorbitant interest rates for cash advances on their settlements.”

Because Weezer sucks now, that’s why.