¡Jeebs!

Doug Evans, the company’s founder, would compare himself with Steve Jobs in his pursuit of juicing perfection. He declared that his juice press wields four tons of force—“enough to lift two Teslas,” he said.

Might even be a BuzzFeed “journalist” thrown in there.

Cripes. I think I have a pretty great VC idea then. We ship you bottles of juice to put in your fridge. You don’t have to press it because we already pressed it for you. You already own the machine to keep it cold (fridge) and the upcharge for the convenience of delivery is only 30%. The bottle are actually…

Okay, so the product literally only creates extra steps from say, buying a bottle of cold pressed juice.

Oh yea, that one too.

Yes. I got a coffee machine for my classroom and literally every class had a student who asked why I didn’t get a Keurig. My response was that the coffee maker cost me $9, takes like 30 seconds of work to make a full pot of coffee, and each cup costs about a quarter (much less with a reusable cup) at most. Still…

The “chilled juciero” is $1,500

What are you going to trust, your own eyes or your own eyes reading a digital readout of a scan of a QR code?

This would be more like if Keurig came with the following instructions:

POURING THINGS IS HARD SOMETIMES

Does the machine chill the juice as it squeezes or are you pulling the bag out the fridge and putting it into the juicer?

That is my favorite, too, but I do also appreciate this nugget:

This concept is why I laugh at people who spend big money on snowblowers when I’m able to accomplish the same thing simply by harnessing the power of the sun and channeling it into an intense snowmelting tool that I call “spring”.

This is my favourite excerpt.

give me the good old days where Wes Welker took MDMA at the Kentucky derby. Now that’s hijinks!

You can’t help yourself when it comes to Gronk. He’s just so...... Gronk!

In the last 24 hours, the Celtics went down 0-2 to a laughable Bulls team, Aaron Hernandez committed suicide, and Gronk yukked it up with a propaganda minister nobody respects.

After winning the Australian Open at the end of January, Williams hasn’t played a single match, pulling out of Indian Wells and the Miami Open