Ooh, ’ave we got a video?

Sorry, man: I’m thinking Humperdoo.

I’ve said this before, but there is ZERO reason to remake this movie. The title, script, characters, and plot—all the stuff that qualifies something to be a “remake”—were forgettable. The only thing worthwhile about Suspiria was its visual style ... which you can steal for free, because it can’t be copyrighted!

All right. Standing at $520 so far, and here I go:

I think I see your fundamental problem, which is that you haven’t created & fielded BEEFTANK. Once you’ve taken care of this, the rest should probably follow.

This is going to be a frustrating month.

Take a straight man's theory for what it might be worth … but my guess is, such movies involve a lot of emotional hot buttons for the creators, and a lot of intense passions. And past a certain point, the personal relevance of one's material can be a handicap: many creators who get their chance to undertake a…

I'd like to tell you that my future CSA military service absolutely wouldn't be spent accumulating a necklace of hipster ears. I'd like to tell you a lot of things.

Like many folks who've read A Christmas Carol, I've wondered why never in my life have I seen a single goose on offer—at a restaurant, grocery, butcher shop, or otherwise. I suppose the turkey must have totally replaced the culinary niche that geese used to occupy (leastways, in America).

I'd only watch this if it were interactive, and let me me step into the movie to give young Morrissey all the wedgies.

Is she one of those Maryknoll nuns? If so, Ryan probably wasn't being condescending enough.

What a life, to be the Time.
—Morris Day

Yeah, there's a distinct line between "spicy food that is delicious" and "spicy food that one would only consume for its stunt value." Like Justice Stewart, I know it when I see it.

I'm going on fifty … but in my defense, any unwholesome thoughts are generally limited to the main characters' moms.

Lupe, ¿quién es más macho: Juan Jamón o Bruce Campbell?

Mine said I was 5% Scotch.
"You mean Scottish," I said.
"No," the tech said.

They're none too scrupulous about their standards, and have a long history of classifying as "extremists" people and groups well within the bounds of acceptable discourse (cf. Daniel Pipes, Maajid Nawaz, etc.). Historically, they've devoted way more effort to publicizing themselves than to being sure of their facts. A…

19th-century German racial theorists coined the word "Antisemitismus." They thought it sounded classier and more scientific than "Judenhaß" (which was the standard word up till then).

I'm more worried that they're trusting the SPLC for their criteria.

This is how at least one person in the Trump administration will get fired.