Well, there's the belief that "learning new concepts is foreign," and then there's the ability to distinguish between intelligent and inane concepts (and the self-confidence to not humor the latter, fashion be damned).

I'm pushing fifty … and if I ever figure out the answer to that question myself, I'll let you know. If you should find out, please do a fellow a solid and clue me in.

With apologies to a few dudes on Twitter who got in ahead of me:

In the late '80s, when most people hadn't yet heard of Hooters, I was working an office temp job over my college break. On some salesdude's recommendation I went to lunch there, knowing zilch about the place. Bit of a surprise, to put it mildly.

Currently, the franchise-runners are largely fellows around my own age. Now, I grew up steeped in the Adam West version, and was a late teen when The Dark Knight Returns hit shelves. From that moment, I never wanted to look back, ever ever again.

Took me a minute to I.D. the acoustic-guitar instrumental playing over the tour of King Ezekiel's domain as the Messiah overture. There's painfully on the nose, and then there's … THAT.

To be fair, though, Braxton Bragg was pretty awesome if you didn't know much about military tactics.

For some reason, my eye-tic inducing co-champions are "free reign" and "chaise lounge."

Hopefully not.

"[W]asted his time teaming up with Sharon Stone…"

Okay, fair enough (I bailed ten years ago).

I don't care if the pizza is topped with angel farts and ambrosia; you still have to pay for it by living in the northeast US.

Don't hate on ATL because of your undiscriminating relative. Mellow Mushroom is at least respectable.

Speaking for the South: we'll just have to content ourselves with having all the barbecue.

Okay, I'm no Serb, but I do know Russian and Czech … and if that painting says what I think it says, it's mighty damned vague: "Without medicine, a person won't die"?.

I feel kind of bad for her next conquest in advance. Whoever it is, his girlfriend's ex is gonna be Chris Evans.

Larry Storch and Forrest Tucker: man, as a kid I must've seen every episode of F Troop four or five times on UHF.

But if your name is Katz, you're grandfathered in.

Darkest secret to hide from the human locals: cats still call it "Constantinople."

Smørrebrød is the most insidious form of payola.