Emma, if you’ll excuse us, we would like a man to explain how baseball works, thanks

Oh, it’s that guy. Hello, that guy.

Hence the important modifier “exciting”!

Come on, he can’t be promoting P.E.D. at a nationally televised sporting event.

So can we take a second to give a shoutout to the security guard here? It’s very, very clear by how fast the refs swarmed around and split her off that she didn’t know that this was planned— which means tiny little her saw big-ass Gronk hop the barricade and went “welp, this is what I’m doing tonight” and dove right…

I’m assuming someone’s already hard at work on a gif of that hand & tongue thing? Cause I’m gonna need that.

It’s true. Ashley, I hope you’re the one who finally gets to break Donald’s piss video.

Ashley Feinberg is a national fucking treasure.

Where’s the part where she punches you in the balls?

Motherfucker better have got paid.

Blue Balls Matter

Pulisic setting up Dempsey like that is just what Dempsey needs at the twilight of his career. It only works with Dempsey because knowing Jozy, he would’ve Wondo’d that opportunity.

Who is this Pulisic kid? He’s good. First time I’ve read about him on Deadspin.

Why is it so hard to find video of him throwing out the first pitch for a past game (from the picture above)? Fucking MLB..

Translated for Trump supporter’s:

I have no idea what Trump’s history as an athlete is (I assume it’s limited if it exists at all), but he’s the sort of man that gets 5 draft deferments and then insults a POW Vietnam veteran by saying he “likes people that weren’t captured,” if that answers your question.

“Why aren’t you asking about when Barack Obama throw out the first pitch? Did you see those jeans? But you all only want to ask about on President Trump split his pants and patched it back together with Scotch tape...”

*Caddy runs over, picks up the ball, and places it in Wieter’s glove*

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
and somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
but there is no joy at Mar a Lago - mighty Trumpy had crapped out.

Who the fuck would marry a person who did that to an ex. Jesus.