Man, if a bunch of untalented nobodies wants to get underserved attention by dishonestly associating themselves with authentic stars, they really should just change their name to Kardashian.

I think what Gio really needs is some performance enhancing hugs.

White Guy: [assists Africa]

-NEAR A FOREST OUTSIDE OF BOSTON-

"Never change" would've been great advice before Curt started ransacking his couch cushions in an effort to raise capital.

The NFL's decision makes more sense when you consider what Riley Cooper has been wearing...

Pictured: A man that will not profit from the use of his own name.

That's just how Kobe is wired. You tell him he can't do something and he's gonna do it. And then, he'll buy you a giant fucking ring afterwards to apologize.

Paternity leave isn't complicated. You become a father and then you leave.

"When I like to feel allegent, I wear cashmere."

The South shall rise agan!!!!

Would you prefer the term "rural southeastern hill-dweller with a predilection for prescription pain pills"?

This may sound a little extreme, but the authorities should make an example and hang ten.

he could've just said he didn't wanna play for the Cardinals.

no, no, no; nothing ever happened before the Millennials invented it. there wasn't even basketball before 1996.

No, and I suppose if a young woman truly didn't want the abortion and didn't realize she could probably escape the contract (I practice law in Canada, not the U.S. but my perception is that issue would be unenforceable in court) this would be tragic, but I suspect that isn't the case here.

While the whole matter isn't…

Wait, other people found his other recent news unpleasant? I could see it if one was a pro-lifer, but otherwise who cares? I was amused due to the inherent controversy, the questionable enforceability of the contract, and the fact that it's douche-y ol' JJ Redick. But an NBA player trying to contractually protect…

They're so adorable after they hatch.

YAHOO

Oh, but Harvey Updyke Jr. poisons Toomer's and he's a villain?!