A friend was telling me a similar perfect-guy story (not missed connections but otherwise) and when she got to the "but—" part, I said, "He's married, right?"

Accusatorily gesturing at the monitor with the spoon, I hope!

Counter was, admittedly, freaked out by the fact that she was now one of the objects of affection for the sad posters she routinely mocked with friends on her Saturday nights. But what the hell, she thought?

I like how he specified that it's throbbing. That's important.

That is why the only thing I was in contact with was Netflix. He is a faithful and attentive lover.

shaving babies' asscracks is a time honored Italian tradition. Hate on, hairless haters.

Under "Skills"

That entire list is going to stick in the part of my brain that stores memories of clown pictures, man feet, and hominy.

IT SURE DID, GINANDTONIC

It may accelerate to unsafe speeds!

Don't watch the video it's a curse.

Did they specifically come back with Chaco Tacos or actual ice cream cones? That makes a difference you know. An ice cream cone is not an ice cream truck emergency.... a god damn Choco Taco is! I would leave my mother on a cliff for one of those. So would Jesus.

I don't know. Seems kind of Borderline to me.

I also learned the hard way not to put carbonated beverages in a blender when I tried to make a champagne smoothie. I was maybe not sober at the time.

Not to be lame, but there's a little typo in the last paragraph.

I worked in the office part of the x-ray department, and one time someone shoved a barbie doll completely up their butt, with the hands up. The technician showed me and said 'is Barbie waving at us????'

I should note, I'm the one that friends (and, unbelievably, family) goes to when they have a question about sex, toys, sex with those toys, kink (mild and severe), or whatever that has to do with the wild, wonderful and quite varied world of sex. I read, A LOT (yeah, that's my defense) and I'm nonjudgmental about…

I'm going to go look at that lost cat story now while crossing my fingers that adorable ponies, bunnies, or puppies will be featured later in the day.