The boy asked, “Why, when I needed you most, was there only one set of footprints in the sand?” And Jesus replied, “Because all the other infielders were in the dugout, jerking off.”

I know that Batman would beat Superman. So there, smartyboots.

Yeah but you dislike all the good foods and all things that are good, so what the hell do you know.

You are wrong. Totally, incredibly wrong Albert.

That’s badass.

Whereas Ted Williams is probably the coolest.

Mop the floor with him, Kerr!

Counterpoint: Superman sucks. Yay Batman.

/pours out basket of breadsticks
//keeps pouring
///keeps pouring
////keeps pouring

If the Vine were just two seconds longer, you’d see a very confused Mike Huckabee furiously stuffing those bills down his pants.

[dying]

And to think that so many of us laymen can’t even consistently make a lay up. And by ‘many of us’ I mean Austin Rivers.

If he missed the dunk he would have been white Mike Beasley.

Justin Blackmon made this same video, but instead of a PSA it’s a segment from the next season of MTV Cribs.

I used to play pretty seriously. The rules are simple. The main goal is to achieve “The Queen’s Errand,” or have the most netted balls by the end of the crow’s watch. If the pepper is placed in your path, you have to wheel the cranberry using only the poetic side of your bike. The lines on the court indicate the…

John Wall: [pops champagne]

Simmons, Olbermann, Cowherd - ESPN Departes

Tiger’s inner monologue: