NOOOOOOOOO. That is genuinely one of the worst gift ideas I have ever heard of. At least you tried.

I don’t even feel bad. I worked so hard to convince him it was a bad idea. If he wants to go ahead with it after that, everything that follows is on him.

I was working at a popular electronics store when a customer came in to buy his wife a really fancy scale for mother’s day. I couldn’t talk him out of it. He just kept telling me “she’s been feeling really out of shape lately, and this will be great to help her get back on track”

You know, I’ve never really thought about it before (what with being secure an all), but I guess if you are the kind of (straight) guy who blames women dressing provocatively for putting impure lustful thoughts into your head, then it isn’t really much of a stretch from there to worry that seeing naked men might put…

“No, I just believe marriage is between one man and one woman.”

Apparently Marco doesn’t realize that NH passed marriage equality legislation in 2010. Of course, Marco’s the dumbass who invited supporters to a pancake breakfast and didn’t have any pancakes.

Seriously? The story of him trying to force a gay man back into the closet occurred at a restaurant called the Puritan Backroom? You can’t make that shit up.

That’s a pretty remarkable exchange.

I could be Albert Einstein and they would discredit me as a horrible scientist. It doesn’t matter.

They wouldn’t. How often do they bring in armed white men unharmed? I can find dozens of stories from just the past year. People need to realize that (white) America doesn’t care, never cared nor will she care in the future about her fellow black citizens.

I find the need to have men’s and women’s uniforms (outside of like, maternity ones) be different totally baffling. Like, please explain to me why my blue shirt has to have a lower collar and be made out of a thinner material because I have two ‘X’ chromosomes. Then bitch about how “all the women keep cranking the…

or just support local charities that spend their money donating wigs, paying medical bills and driving people to and from appointments.

Well, I was planning to underwrite a massive tuition grant program for grad students at research universities, but if all you need is a sandwich platter...

At this point, the most cost-effective and ethical cancer donation thing you can do is probably go to your local research university and buying the grad students a nice a sandwich platter.

“I don’t want to use the word ignorant so instead I’ll just use the definition of ignorance to describe him.”

I am going to pay for this wall you want built.

“I don’t want to say he’s ignorant, but perhaps he’s incredibly stupid and talking out of his ass is a more appropriate phrasing.”

“I just want to eat some god damn breakfast and now I have to shake fucking JEB’s hand” - every resident of Iowa/New Hampshire over the past year, I assume

heartfelt

Holy shit! Tina Belcher is real!