I did not have “the talk”, not once. The sexual education I had went like this:

So Kristen Stewart is....Taken?

#notallundertakers

“One day, that could be me...!”

this fuckin guy

This guy is as mentally competent as any other cold-blooded killer. He was handed a combination of fear, hate, blame, and the means to turn it all into violence.

“Don’t be a victim” has got to be one of the dumbest, most enraging arguments ever. You’re already a victim, you can’t choose to be one or not; that choice was up to the person who victimized you.

Every time I would go to Barneys in BH, I would always stop on the 2nd floor to look at Lanvin stuff. I would turn the dress inside out to look at how it was made (also you can really tell the quality of a garment by how it was finished inside). The fabrics were stunning; no one else was using them at the time.

will you be my mommy?

I think this is likely the perfect encapsulation of their daily life: She smiles placidly while he spins in dizzy circles until he throws up and she has to put him down for a nap.

I would spend the whole day as a vet doing things like screaming “OMG PUPPY BELLEH OMNOMNOM” and smooching kitties until they take a swipe at me

We call it a War on Women precisely because assholes like you think forcing a woman to make a man wear birth control is preferable to giving her control over her own body after private consultation with her doctor.

Of course, he’s a guy who thinks we should protect our country by forcing other countries to wear our…

I can honestly say, if my mom had felt the need to abort me, I would understand and be OK with it. I know anti-choice activists like to snakily ask that “Well what if your mom had an abortion?” and my thought it, if she’d needed to, and did, fine, because I love her and would have wanted her to do what was best for…

Eye cream doesn’t make your forehead tight.

Brian Moylan’s on Vulture are always amazing.

Please hire a Housewives reviewer. Hell, I'll even do it for some scraps and hugs from Rich!

This is what he normally wears:

It hides his control panel and/or his lizard neck

I guess you can read racism into anything. But you do realize that besides Kimmy, the only "positive" characters are non-white? Do you think Dong—who is an immigrant—shouldn't have broken english? Should Tittus be a boring accountant instead of a fun gay? The maid in the bunker cares so little about white people that…