Something is really wrong with you. For starters, you lack empathy. You know what else? You're a horrible human being. That poor server has to TIP SHARE! You said it yourself. So not only did she not get a tip from you, she still had to tip out the hostess out of her own pocket. So she paid for the pleasure on waiting…

Brian Souter can fuck the fuck off. And when he's finished fucking the fuck off, he can fuck the fuck off again, the fucking fucker.

If all aborted babies get an Express Pass to Heaven, then why is abortion the Fundie Boogeyman? Don't you want your little angels to go to Heaven?

"To automatically to be lumped into that category of a gang... that hits a little close to home for us, because that isn't our intent at all," Strobl said.

The NYPD must need a nap; or else it lost its binkie.

"Ban abortions (except for my mistress and my daughter)!"

Comparing it to torture? But they don't have any problems with torture.

He knows where that number comes from; he pulled it out of his ass.

I have a favorite sex conversation with my mother that I remember from my childhood (I was probably about 6, maybe 7 years old). I wonder if she remembers it. If she does, she probably hopes to God that I don't, but oh yeah, I do. I knew that babies came from sex (even if my understanding of the exact actions involved…

Let's hope it lingers.

"a dumb and meaningless list"

I am my family's resident hippie and brought up vaccinating in a conversation with my dad once, but apparently in a distressingly neutral way. His face was all, "Oh god, I will eat the black bean brownies and tolerate the kale chips, but not this...." The look of relief when I said that of course people should get…

So the Affluenza vaccine wasn't a good match for the deadliest strain of Affluenza going around this year?

Well, it's only Amish sharks that never get cancer.

Even though there are blind items about Patrick Schwarzenegger being gay, and I should give up the fantasy, I want nothing more in this world than for there to be a Cyrus/Schwarzenegger love child. A baby who's grandparents include Billy Ray, the kindergarten cop and a Kennedy!! Please, sweet baby Jesus, make this…

""Make them read the posts publicly to their assembled classmates. In a room. Live." See how funny it is then."

I'm black, male, and have never been to NYC.

Holy shit! I didn't know Kitchenette had a tagline.

I say they should have gone with Fraggle...

Oh, please, he's a guy with two daughters. If this is his first time in a tiara, I'll eat my hat.