Papa was I, ere I saw a Pap.

“Plotting” is a pretty good onomatopoeic representation of the sound of someone on the toilet the day after eating Papa John’s.

No, never.

Makes sense: nothing says “family values” like brutal violence, repetitive head trauma, and domestic abuse.

From my research, the real threats for Jimmy G. dating Kiara long term are suffocation and being broken in half.

That’s why I didn’t want Boston trading for him, at all. I don’t trust his mindset. With everybody--but it’s especially visible in the really talented players--mindset is everything. A highly talented turd can take a team apart, or at least set it back for a year or more.

Congrats on your gun violence. Abolish universal healthcare and I might give you a look.

People say that like Leonard is going to be out shoveling his car, and hoofing it through the open air. He’s not. He’s going to go from his heated house, into a heated car, to a heated gym, then off to a heated restaurant, then maybe stop into a heated club, and go back to his home. He could go months without going…

Williams is working on addressing the problem. “I got to start gluing it to my phone or something,” he said.

Serena is the GOAT, and thinking about how much her continuous success must anger racists and sexists brings me great joy

The day only changes when the sun comes up, or you wake up. And even then, if you wake up at 3 am, it’s still Saturday. What are you even doing waking up? You are either still up, asleep, or doing it wrong.

Did you seriously just call Tom Brady “TB12"? You dingus.

BRADY’S RUN HASN’T ENDED YET YA CAWKSUCKAH WOOO TB 12 GOAT!

This was true a few decades ago. It’s not the case any longer. The Knicks have the worst record in the league since 2002. The Lakers haven’t been good for ten years and their recent FA efforts can be summed up with one of the saddest, thirstiest pictures of all time:

Wasn’t LBJ’s year to year contracts with Cleveland in part because he knew the salary cap was going to go way up and he didn’t want to lock himself into a max deal at the old cap?

He should trust them. I don’t like the Lakers but they will spend money. They will do whatever is necessary to put the pieces around LeBron and otherwise keep him happy. Not even the Riley/Big-3 era Heat had the kind of flexibility, willingness to spend, or provide the kind of attraction to other players that the…

Philly would’ve been one of the biggest gambles he could take. Even if the fit worked out, would you bank your future on Embiid’s legs and Fultz’s shoulder and Ben’s jump shot?

Yeah sure, but he’d have to do it in Philly. Nobody wants to spend a weekend there let alone the twilight of their NBA career.

Finally. Showtime! Get your pretzel ready.

So just because Michael Jordan sucked with the Wizards now King James is destined to suck with The Lakers? This kind of whataboutism isn’t helpful for NBA dialogue or sports dialogue in general. Here’s the truth of the matter that your bothsidesism article failed to establish, regardless of whether you called King…