This is indisputable.

Some of my best memories are behind the wheel of this beast. Botswana, South Africa, Namibia for 4 weeks:

Jokes on the coronavirus - I didn’t even check my balance, so like Schrodinger’s 401k, it neither lost value nor gained.  

I went to MP3s a long time ago.

Apparently I’m one of the six people reading this - I totally agree.

“1) Maybe someone will bring her a hot pocket with a saw blade in it.”

Yes - it’s diabetes.

I miss Deadspin. 

That’s the stance of a person who brought a plastic knife to a rubbery-crust fight.

(Atomic’s Law brought to you by Carl’s Jr.)

... thus proving that jet fuel won’t melt steel beams?

The correct answer about “cookie of the sky” on a United flight is always Stroopwafel. There is no other correct response in this case. Honestly, wake me if United gets rid of these, because that would be a real travesty more than the end of Biscoff cookies.

I always wash my hands.

Fun fact: everything at this restaurant is fried in rapeseed oil!

“I’ll save you a seat at the bar”

and then buy their wife a 4 million dollar ring because they’re fucking guilty.

If you happen to choke on the meal, El Camino Real will offer you a settlement to drop charges against them.

I was 6 during Apollo 11 and I remember the landing. I had a print of the picture of the three astronauts used for this article. I made a special effort to remember the name of the guy standing in the middle. To me he was the real hero, going all that way but not getting to land. I always looked up to and identified…

"We fixed the glitch" was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the headline.

My advice is simple and proven: burn down their building.