Negative: Patrice Evra can no longer play football in Europe

I’m truly sorry. I started with what I thought was a witty name and it escalated from there. All I wanted was for my lame jokes about David Moyes and Kyrie Irving to be taken seriously and then I became the conflicted monster I am now.

Like Becca, I would like to apologize to everyone for perpetuating a fraud, as I am neither French nor from Montana.

My guess is that after his passing Mitch Williams will receive a similar tribute.

Back in the day I used to think the Rifleman was such a cool nickname for a baller.

Greatest pitcher I had the privilege of seeing live. He was such a workhorse. All those CGSOs. He had a mystic way of getting batters to follow his speed. As soon as he got the ball back he was ready to throw another. It was like the universe moved at a slower rhythm than he did. It seemed that every time he pitched,…

Also looks like the spirit of Dejan Lovren temporarily departs his body to inhabit that of all those defenders.

Kyrie went to see Thor Ragnorok and was inspired by the power and beauty of Asgaard.

Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez also complained about the shirts Nike produced for Barcelona. Like the NBA jerseys, they absorbed too much sweat and tore very easily. I’m sure Nike will find a way to absolve themselves of blame and pass it down to the sweatshop factory workers.

“I choose now to live as a heterosexual man.”

I’ve seen SY live more times than any other band. Heads will say that Daydream Nation is their best record and that is generally accepted as orthodoxy but I demur and claim Rather Ripped as the one I hit play the most.

Four and a half years ago Sir Alex Ferguson gave David Moyes a call and said “You’re the next Manchester United manager and you will be sacked seven months later, and then you will go to Real Sociedad and you will be sacked, and then you will go to Sunderland and you will be sacked, and then you will go to West Ham...

The show has become trash, but Robin Wright fucking rules so I would watch a season with her as POTUS. Still, if they write Spacey out of the show he would still exist, and be enriched, as an executive producer. If there’s a discomfort in allowing a sexual predator like Harvey Weinstein to bank dollars off productions…

This explains why the Capitals crash out of the playoffs every year - so that Ovechkin can avoid a visit to the White House.

Usually when good teams go on bad losing spells it’s because of one or two reasons. With the Oilers thus far it’s been several, but not all at the same time: Talbot started badly, dumb defensive lapses, along with a lack of secondary scoring, porous penalty kill, weak power play and bad puck luck. They’re in every…

It’s a good thing the Astros won otherwise Yasiel Puig would have invoked his right of Prima Nocta.

-Sports Illustrated

Truly amazing, Atlético kicked themselves in the dick and it wasn’t because of Diego Costa.

Mourinho telling Matic to tell Svilar to sign with Benfica so that he could later score on him in the Champions League is the ultimate mind game.

“Tall Baller from the G!” is listed on his Twitter profile. The exclamation point makes it even more German.