Anytime somebody says Kaepernick.

How did Dimond do in the swim meet Friday?

I saw them open for the Sex Pistols once. Afterwards, Pearl Jam came on the stage as a surprise act.

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

“Intergluteal Cleft” would be a FANTASTIC name for a rock band.

Let’s be honest: Those people don’t have friends. Unless “friend” is defined as “Someone you happen to be familiar with who will listen to you talk about yourself endlessly”. 

Tow? If that’s my property, that’s an immediate tie the other end into my 2-phase 220 outlet, grab a beer and watch the fun.

Joule thief!

Its almost like the note’s author has English as a second language.

God, i haven’t seen the gif before. That wave at the end makes it really look like she saluted and then realized, ‘oh shit, i can’t do that in public’ and tried to play it off as a harmless wave.

Don’t forget Benghazi! 

Which sounds reasonable for Alabama.

Pfft.... like I was gonna wait for you.

I’m 30 new email accounts deep by now.

Or these hard cases:

I’ve always thought it tragic that native born people can’t be deported. If I was emperor, I’d allow a 1.5 to 1 swap.

Which... is true technically, but I meant in terms of today’s bomb attacks. Which of course you knew going into that reply, but still replied anyway.

It’s getting to the point that software matters more than hardware. Google saves a bunch of cool stuff for their phones, and always rolls out android updates first to the Pixel line. I’ve had a Pixel2XL for a year and it’s a great phone - but the Google software and updates - although a little creepy - really makes it…

Yeah, that was annoying. I really want Call Screen. The robocall frequency is getting ridiculous

Gotta get those Instagram followers!

This is the world you asked for, you Honey-Boo-Boo/Kardashian/Jersey Shore/etc morons.