They scare me with their curly horns.

I live near the mountains and am terrified I will come across a wild animal on a hike. What the hell people? They are wild, unpredictable animals! I practice my screaming just in case such an event happens like that one time a rattlesnake slithered onto the path in front of me.

He is a fucking scumbag. Fuck Jimmy with a rusty spanner.

I make one every St. Patrick’s Day and I forgot this year. My husband was like, Where is the Shepherd’s Pie? Ha!

Who eats bread anymore?

These people are vile.

Hey Lenny! How you doin’?

That is most excellent.

Is that a Shar Pei? I had one. He was pretty wrinkly.

No, I am 50. I am too old for my stupid friends from childhood/high school and their competitiveness. For fuck’s sake, we are all 50. Do I really care that I am not 100 pounds like I was in high school? No. And I don’t care they aren’t either. Which makes me realize that we aren’t really friends.

I love the term “ghouls.” Long ago, my parents and my brother visited WV and walked through a John Brown wax museum. At the end, when my brother and I whined that there were no depictions of the execution, my dad turned to us and bellowed, You are all a bunch of goddamn ghouls! We still laugh about it. But seriously,…

The first time I went to the desert I freaked out at the silence of it. I was convinced I was going to see UFOs.

My mother and sisters were not interested in helping me pick out a dress so I took a friend. And ended up eloping and not wearing the dress anyway.

He is hot as fucking hell.

Oh he is so fucking hot.

I was very young when this was on TV and it gave me nightmares.

What the hell is the matter with him? For fuck’s sake.

No camp for us. We had a pool and my parents both worked so it was the older kids watching the younger kids all summer. It was pretty great.

Wait a minute. If a woman goes to a party and decides not to drink because there are men who will rape her or anyone woman who passes out, does she have a mindset that demonizes men even though it is true? She makes no sense.

I am so angry over what this motherfucker did I cannot see straight.