Also, no fucking way our border guards would have reacted that way. No. Fucking. Way.

Billy, I hate to nitpick, but I have a problem with the headline. The phrase "insane, masturbatory rampage" should be "insane masturbatory rampage." You shouldn't use a comma when the last adjective outranks its predecessor and is an integral part of the noun phrase. In this case, the rampage is not both insane…

Everything you just watched in this video is NOT OK. How's that for a start?

Until then we are all subject to the medical expertise of flying waitresses.

god dammit other dudes ruining shit for the rest of us *grumblegrumblegrumble*

Also, any guy who enjoys blowjobs and uses "dick-sucking" as an insult is a fucking hypocrite.

What's wrong with being a dick-sucking whore?

C'mon Shelly. There's gotta be a safer place than your shirt pocket to keep that check Snyder wrote for you.

Ray Rice gets two weeks (initially).

It's fried dough and sweet glaze. Not exactly the baked equivalent of rocket science. So no. They're a donut shop; it's indisputable.

"Why only a 1 game suspension? We looked at a lot of factors, but, ultimately, child is only half the size of a real person so in the interests of fairness and consistency, it only made sense to halve our normal penalty"

I guess my bag didn't make a strong enough case.

I guess my bag didn't make a strong enough case.

LOL

I know! Famous rookies NEVER get attention. They don't star in Snickers commercials (Manziel), snort coke on Instagram (Manziel), engage in public drunkenness (Manziel), obsess over "their brand" (RGIII), drag the Kardashian freak show with them (Reggie Bush), have pimp and crack dealers as parents (Bryant), legions…

It's unfortunate because Michael Sam is attempting to become the first openly gay player in the NFL, something of enormous symbolic importance, and while no one wants him to be judged by anything but his merits as a football player, many sports fans were and are rooting for him to succeed.

so my wife is a rapist?

"As a Jew, and as someone who has been raised to always support Israel (which, according to my parents, is my spiritual home, although I have never been)"