Not pictured: the woman’s evidently MASSIVE vagina.

I think you misunderstood your soccer-loving friend. He meant “gold standard,” as in similar to the San Francisco 49ers.

In contrast, Moyes was told well in advance he was being canned, but mistakenly thought they were ordering him dinner.

Pictured: Rafa Benítez realizing that the gradually increasing noise he was hearing sounded like 76 trombones.

Precisely. The company is up to some shady practices, but this doesn’t even register as one.

And then you won’t be able to grab an uber on a busy night, just like a taxi!

THANK YOU. I came here just to comment on that. It’s Uber’s fault when the guy was informed both via email AND the driver that there would be a NYE surge price?

He wasn’t too drunk to MANUALLY ENTER THE MULTIPLIER in the app to confirm his ride. Fuck that guy. Uber is guilty of some horrible anti-labor shit but I have no sympathy for these idiots who can’t do math.

That run is also an accurate reenactment of my roadside sobriety test.

Like most things delivered by Dan Haren, these tweets were completely out of left field.

It is getting to the point where clubs like Chelsea and Real are just going to run out of new managers to appoint. They are just going to cycle through the same 7 or 8 every 5 or 6 years.

A draw with an Englishman named “Neville” is never a good look in historical terms.

Barcelona have just announced Marco Materazzi as co-manager.

Certainly nice, but it is rather disappointing when a drive by a Real Madrid player doesn’t exceed 124 mph.

- Deadspin, December 9th, 1980

OMG! They ran from one end of the court to the other, again and again! You call this “basketball,” you say?

Well I’ll personally wait until he gets up to 10 or 20 to paint him guilty like I have Bill Cosby.

We can’t forget that sometimes bitches be trippin’

Probably find out if they actually raped someone.

Patrick Kane, who possibly raped someone, will start the NHL All-Star Game.

Seriously! And she has fucking breast implants. I have nothing against showing off one’s knockers- I don’t think I own a bra that isn’t a cleavage enhancing one. But I don’t say, “OH MY GOD HOW OFFENSIVE!” if someone says I have nice breasts.